Saturday, December 24, 2022

This disease

a bruising trebuchet
battering at your fortress
attacking from within

Insidious 
conjured unforseen 
unbidden catastrophic

sneaking from some lurking place
denying defensive instincts

imperceptible fracture lines 
building to a gaping maw
that threatens to engulf you.

Your fortified walls
constructed through a lifetime carrying fear
solid heavy blocks aged with years of buttressing against 
perceived
misperceived dangers

crumbling now
the onslaught
transforms your life, memories, hopes
to bitter mirage forms.

Betrayal that erodes
collapsing
leaving you at the centre.

Vulnerable and oh so precious
A pearl of great price.

Know, beloved, that you will come through this.

Still you, still truly you,
and still so precious.

You are held.
Hang on.


Friday, November 25, 2022

thick love

thick love like wading through honey
without the sweet goldenness 

through mud but without the soothing coolness

tapioca? 
not slimy - difficult to grasp 

smog making it difficult to breathe navigation 
hard nasty taste in the mouth congested
navigation

thickly tangled knots longing to be combed smooth





Draft written in 2009, just published now.

Saturday, November 19, 2022

Orphan


1927-2002





































How terribly strange to be orphaned.

Too young a word for someone my age.

Sudden yet hardly unforeseen
in the gym Wednesday, gone by Friday.

The body you'd had all those long years
empty and cold.
Not you
still precious
somewhere to hang our farewells and weep our hot tears.

Bereft but not lost
mourning but thankful
Ninety four years of you, living to the full
squeezing out life
savouring with relish, 
your thanks for every day.

Cheerful at the last
grateful for easy death and all that came before
Ready for whatever follows.

My life is colder for a while
Dimmer and muted for the now.
Washed through by absence
gently engulfed
tender not raw

And then suddenly gulping the loss
Something huge in my throat, my heart.

Something has gone now
some reassuring structure and awareness
some grounding presence some steadying hand
some something
from my first steps to your last
my first breath till your final
is gone.



© Sally Alsford 2022




Saturday, November 12, 2022

Anxiety observed





The undertow drags its wearying way
wading in and through my life leaving the heavy tracks
of someone else's dread. 

tripping me, 
tipping my balance
using me up
weighing me down

Nightmare phantoms born
of habits of hopelessness loom and terrify

relentless mirages transfixing you 

and I watch transfixed
and helpless
chasing the shadow of your dwindling self

quicksand muffling life
making a meal of misery
my hopefulness is insufficient for the onslaught. 

 miasmic cloudy mud of false fears
fraught with unexpected waves cross-currents of despair.

The wash and pull of your mood knocks me off-kilter

me trying to keep my chin up. 
And yours. 

 A hand held is not enough
a gentle touch too heavy

loving voices switched to mute by lifelong whispering fears. 

How casually and easily a small life can be blighted
How very hard to heal the damage done

Love waits with bated breath and arms held out
and up

Sunday, November 06, 2022

Haiku. Flash flood

Still.
Once again now.

Flash flood.
Tsunami. From where?

Where are you?
Don't stop.







Friday, October 28, 2022

Caught



CAUGHT

I saw a moment caught
and thought of you
A spider's thread holds fast 
and true
A leaf does not let go
And such is love 
at times 
maybe










 

Saturday, October 15, 2022

Why put it out there?

I find myself writing poetry again just now - once more in a situation of grief, pain and anxiety. The words just come, the poems form themselves and edit themselves in my brain. Its mysterious to me, but omehow it happens, and somehow it helps.


So why do I 'put it out' here in this place?  Why not just keep a journal, as a not-so recent commenter asked?

I really don't know. But it makes a difference to me.

Maybe its something to do with making this somehow part of a larger reality, and not only a feeling and emotion within my own head and heart...

Maybe because I've found writing in other online places that has resonated, moved me, helped somehow, comforted, inspired.  In which case its about sparking connections, which matters to me - even when I'm not aware of how or when such connections might occur....


Whatever the reason, the words that have emerged from my currently rather distracted, bruised, struggling mind, are likely to find themselves here before long.


And maybe, one day, I'll find myself writing less limp and more cheerful crispy words!


This disease

a bruising trebuchet battering at your fortress attacking from within Insidious  conjured unforseen  unbidden catastrophic sneaking from som...